but what of marriage?

I wrote about my high school sex education teacher telling my entire class not to have sex until they got married, and how offensive I find that now.

But I wanted to say a few words about marriage itself now.  This is a huge can of worms, but it's undeniable that, contrary to the words of the anti gay marriage people, marriage is a constantly evolving social construct.  There is no single, fixed concept of "traditional marriage", there is only the societal normality of marriage for a chosen age and society.  And while I'm aware that it can be quite different things in different parts of the world even today, I'm focusing mostly on what it is in the USA now since I live there and am part of that culture.

One other aspect of that teacher's belief that a couple should only have sex once they're married was the assumption that all relationships should eventually progress to marriage.  I have nothing against marriage, but I'm one of those people that isn't entirely certain if it's relevant anymore.  I have no problem with formally recognizing a relationship, and the legal benefits of marriage are one of the reasons that gay marriage is such an important issue.  However, what if a couple wants to just stay a committed couple?

I say good for them.  I'm aware that we have rather a significant schism in modern society regarding sexuality, but quite honestly I have no time for people who prefer the shame based philosophy of sexuality.  If they want to feel dirty about their own private parts in the privacy of their own homes then it's no concern of mine, but for the discussion of society in general I prefer to focus on the ramifications of a sex positive approach.  Once you take that step you're forced to view marriage in a different light.  It is no longer some kind of ritual that gives you the right to engage in sexual intercourse.  While some, sadly even in this country, still view it as a process of taking ownership of the woman, literally passing her from father to husband (and if you think I'm exaggerating consider yourself lucky), that view no longer enjoys unquestioned acceptance.

If a couple just wants to spend their life together without getting married then what concern is it of mine?  But let's examine this further.  What if two people want to get together and have sex sometimes for pleasure without the committed relationship part?  Once again, what concern is it of mine?

I feel the need to at least acknowledge polyamory while I'm at it.  I've encountered this before, I've had more than one chance to attend a talk given by some poly people, but for various reasons missed out.  Just to be clear, polyamory is similar to polygamy, which means sex with more than one partner, but it implies a romantic, not just sexual, relationship.  I don't want to get into the idea of three or more people getting married because I'm uncertain how that would work or what the repercussions would be, it's something I'd want to see planned out with some serious thought into how a legal arrangement between two people could be made to work with more than that.  But about poly relationships themselves, all I can say is that I'm convinced that there is no single ideal human relationship model.

Humans are remarkably flexible and even among people living within a single society different approaches can still be appropriate for different people.  I believe that marriage should be accessible for as may people in as many situations as is practical, but even then I don't believe that everyone should be expected to get married.